The Incomplete History of Halloween – Adam Blaize

Comedian Adam Blaize gives us our second guest blog on the theme of our next cabaret event: First Draft’s Fright Night.

I don’t have many fond memories of Hallowe’en and fancy dress. The Americans do it so much better than we do. Over here, the costumes and the decorations just look so cheap. I’ve never been a huge fan of fancy dress, but I always tried to make some kind of effort. I remember being invited to a Hallowe’en party at University. They tell me that it’s fancy dress, although I was told that there was no theme and it didn’t really matter what people went as. Interesting, I thought to myself. So I went as a Jedi. This was before I turned my back on the Star Wars franchise. My dissolution with the series began at an autograph signing with Dave Prowse (the man in the Darth Vader costume) and from there, things just spiralled. But that’s a whole other story. Let’s get back to Hallowe’en. I don’t get invited to many parties, so at the time I was excited. I got to the party and it was just me and four guys dressed as Osama Bin Laden. No-one else had made any effort and for the rest of the evening I had to endure jokes about my Light Sabre.  “Does it extend?” was the most frequent joke. The evening ended with me being locked out of the party and ending up on the floor in a room somewhere on the other side of the campus, meaning that I had to make my way back to the correct room the next morning, dressed as a Jedi Knight. The cleaners didn’t seem to care. They’d probably seem it all before.

Adam Blaize small tshirt

Adam performing in a VERY small t-shirt, presumably to re-live some sort of childhood trauma. There’s a reason we’ve cropped this image where we have…

The following year, I was invited to another Hallowe’en party where I decided that I wasn’t going to make the same effort as the previous year. This time around, everyone made a huge effort and I was chastised for being a stick in the mud and seemingly not caring enough to go out and buy a costume. It’s a low point in any man’s life when he finds himself being criticised by a rotund zombie in the corner of the room.

I failed to make any kind of impression on the night and ended the night sleeping on a kitchen chair, when a female friend that I invited to the party decided to stay. She stole my space on the sofa and refused to share, even denying me the chance to sleep sitting upwards at the end of the settee. She liked to say that she was a spiritualist and that she believed in sharing and equality, though she obviously drew the line at sharing a sofa space. She once told me that she’d witnessed someone tip over her bin outside, but that she didn’t believe in confronting the person because she’d rather let it pass. I remember being really annoyed by that statement. If someone tipped my bin over, I think I’d probably flip. What kind of a person tips a bin over without provocation? And what kind of a person sits back and simply does nothing? It truly is the end of days.

I hate this time of year and to make matters worse, it’s quickly followed by Guy Fawkes Night, though that ‘celebration’ isn’t confined to just one night. This night seems to begin weeks before and end weeks after November 5th.

I once performed a gig at a Hallowe’en birthday party, where the happiest part of the evening for me, was seeing a miserable looking man sitting in his He-Man attire with a deflated sword. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe something good can come from fancy dress?

We can only hope he looked as cool as these children that we randomly found on the internet

We can only hope he looked as cool as these children that we randomly found on the internet

Don’t leave us! Please!

Wow. Clingy.

If you want a bit more from us, you can read the first in this spooky blog series from Ben Jewell on fear and climate change: The wolf at the door

Don’t miss Adam AND Ben performing at our Hallowe’en event on Monday night: First Draft’s Fright Night

Want to perform at one of our future events? See our upcoming dates and find out more here

Follow Adam and First Draft on Twitter

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One response to “The Incomplete History of Halloween – Adam Blaize

  1. “these children that we randomly found on the internet” has to be the creepiest thing I’ve ever read. And it’s not even part of the actual night… In other news, nice post, Adam.

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